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The DLJ Goes Dark

11-26-06 3:45 A GMT-07

This will be my last post here at the DLJ blog. My decision to discontinue posting here is actually far more positive than it may seem. That’s because my current situation will allow me to focus on the thing that got me into activism and publishing the DLJ in the first place.

There are others who are quite ably covering the issues, such as Teri Stoddard, Wendy McElroy, and of course, Men’s News Daily and Mensactivism

The hundreds of good people all over the world I’ve met in the years since the DLJ was first launched (in 2001 as an e-mailed newsletter) have all taught me a lot, and given me the tools which I can use to effectively run a program that provides practical help for a group of people that sorely need it.

There are far too many of those who’ve helped along the way to list by name but my gratitude for each and every one of you is boundless.

I will be focusing my efforts on setting up a program for abused men in my local area of Yuma, Arizona. Under the auspices of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, I will establish first an online presence, (at least part of that will be a blog here at Blog-City)  and then an in-person peer counseling group. We’ll see where it goes from there.

Otherwise, about six weeks ago, I launched a blog on cooking, the Elementary Chef, and just yesterday was asked to contribute material to Dean’s World, which is much more widely-read than the DLJ ever was. On Dean’s World I’ll be chronicling my efforts to get my abused men’s program up and running, as well as other things that present themselves.

Happy trails!

Renew! Redocorate! Rework!

08-16-06 9:12 A GMT-07

I've got a couple of book projects that need finishing, one of which is a resource manual for DAHM.  As you know, things are changing rapidly, as evidenced by these stories:

Wife charged with murder

Wife of former Seahawk Chad Eaton arrested

I'm also going to be doing some re-working of the blog, as Blog City has upgraded to a new version.

I have to say something here…

08-11-06 11:59 P GMT-07

There is yet another hunger strike by a disenfranchised father going on. I have been asked to support this action, and have ignored all requests.

That’s because this particular strategy has been proven wrong, not only by many good Irishmen in 1981 who might now be more concerned with the antics of their grandchildren had they lived. Also by a disenfranchised father I knew for some time.

His name was Len Miskulin. You will not remember him, since his work and his quest was to no avail. All that happened with Len was that he lost his kids, and lost his health.

He hung on for some 53 days, if memory serves. He had some publicity for a time, since he was the first; at least in the UK. He came out of it so damaged he told me if he’d known how bad it was he’d try something else.

It’s been about five years, and I’ve lost track, but if I could find him and drag Len here to the US, I’m sure he’d tell anyone trying this radical stunt to STOP!!!

Today there are far more effective ways to influence public opinion. On a personal level, the reality is that this kind of stunt only causes harm. You might get a couple of media mentions, but the truth is nobody today wants to hear about divorced men acting so irresponsibly they can’t even consider their own health.

That’s the way it plays.

Why on Earth would any court want to allow a man with so little concern for life to be the custodian of his children?

How does this make any sense???

It really doesn’t.

I know I got a lot of extremely angry and barely coherent e-mails from a guy. I remember asking a perfectly civil question, and he came back with nonsense. I was supposed to buy his full package without question.

Gentlemen, there are so many fucking loose cannons in this movement I despair of ever being able to make positive gain.

Now there are claimed anti-feminists supporting insanity, I have no idea what to think.

The mothers and wives of the 1981 Irish protestors had no benefits. Nowt but the body comin out after death.

Dave Winer is Right About Sexism

08-11-06 2:43 A GMT-07

Like a lot of other things, he's right about this, too.

Maybe I assign too much wonderfulness to this guy, but he was my blogfather in actuality. One day in early 2003, a media newsletter I got had a reference to Scripting News. Being a non-programmer myself, i wondered why it was this kind of deep geek lore merited a place among media references.

So I went, and read, and drank that particular Kool-aid. I've been a blogger ever since.

Entirely separate from anything Dave has ever done, I used my blog to work for men's rights, father's rights, and the most important : unserved victims of domestic violence. These were things I'd already been working on. I just used the blog to go further.

Even though we've exchanged a few e-mails over time, he still isn't quite sure who I am. That's OK, I really can't expect somebody who likely gets hundreds of real e-mails every day to focus on one quirky lady.

Yesterday he said this:

Men know what we have to do, we've had it drilled into us for at least a generation. But there's a long to-do-list for women, and because men have been forced into silence on this subject, that list hasn't had a chance to develop. Liz, it's time to bend over backwards to create safety for men to speak on this subject. Many of your colleagues are already doing this. There are still a few standouts, and you are one of them. No more gender-bashing, lecturing and name-calling, and no more tolerance for that. I will consider what you have said. Now it would be great if you would do the same.

The man understands the ideals of equality, and expects women to do the same. He is far more diplomatic and decent than I would be in the same situation.

As a woman of education and influence, I feel diminished and insulted by events such as BlogHer, because that is precisely what they are designed to do. They have been created in order to congregate angry women who feel the rules of society don't apply to them, add fuel to their discomfiture, and eventually verify their paranoid fears of an oppressive patriarchy.

They are certainly divisive. Feminism has always been about division, and disdain for those who will not believe. I wish those otherwise-intelligent, and decent women who have bought that mess of pottage that feminism really is would recognize that it's time to stop hating, time to stop blaming, and most important : time to stop setting women up as any kind of special class of anything!

...and let the rest of us live our lives with our men in peace.

There's a quite easy test to apply: if you think something said about a man is funny, try replacing a woman in there. If you think it's hateful when applied to a woman -- bingo! It's sexist.

I'm old enough to know that there are far more bad, hateful things being said about men today then there ever were said about women in the last forty years.

Nobody has any right to diss an entire class of people. Nor to make any presumptions about them.

I thank God that Dave Winer had the cojones to bring it up.

Storyblogging Carnival Needs Help

08-11-06 1:42 A GMT-07

Doc Rampage reports that only one entry was sent this time. That's not nearly enough! c'mon, kids, put on your writing boots and compose!

Remember, a short story can be as little as 500 words. That's called flash fiction. Everything does NOT hafta be a 30,000 word Heinlein piece.

Send here;

Dave Gudeman
http://docrampage.blogspot.com/

 

Category: Writing

The Entitlement Society

posted 02-28-06

This grew out of my post on Detroit, and what happened to us our last eight years there. It was difficult to write; that short piece took me nearly all day, even though I’ve said many of the same things elsewhere, in different venues.

Even that was only a glimpse into the experience. I actually started a book on it some time ago, with a working title of “Government Cheese,” trying at the time to take a lighthearted look at life in the city, but it got so negative I abandoned the project.

Even so, I’ve developed some other ideas I’d like to share here. This is about much more than Detroit, though the city itself is what gave me the idea.

This is about entitlement.

When I talk about entitlement, what I mean is that people in this country, in this year, have a way of looking at life that seems to include a dependence on outside resources for something. This “something “ can be anything from the basic necessities of life to temporary/permanent disaster relief, to even personal happiness, in some cases.

Yes, believe it or not, a few years back I was part of a discussion online that was about “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Some otherwise well-educated and sophisticated individuals insisted that the Federal Government was indeed, responsible for their happiness.

This was against everything I ever believed. Not only did the idea express an obvious lack of initiative and self-reliance on some people’s part, it demonstrated that some had such little sense of self they would accept anybody else doing what they should be doing on an intimate personal level. It was also a little frightening. I wondered for a long time how it was that some people could think any outside entity, be it an individual or a government, can even know what they need to be “happy.” But hey, it was only an e-mail exchange.

I think of the books I read in high school – 1984, Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451. All of them were about the resilience and tenacity of the human spirit. The peace and love stuff we were getting from people like the Beatles in the 1960s was nice, but most of the communes and other social experiments of the time failed miserably. That’s because you can imagine, and actually attain probably, any kind of sublime social state once the realities of having the hard cash and skilled management to do it are removed.

In other words, if you weren’t John Lennon, with his multiple millions, there was pretty much no point. I always thought it was kind of telling that none of the groups or singers of the time who promoted love and peace and all that actually did anything about it. Other than doing things that got them more publicity for their records, I mean.

George Harrison tried, with his concert for Bangladesh, but he was left with such a  nasty taste in his mouth afterward he swore he’d never do it again. In more recent times, what actual, realistic benefits from LiveAid, or the many campaigns by Bono from U2 ever occurred?

These are still, external efforts. We don’t see the people of New Orleans, in fact, getting together and repairing the damage to their city on their own. They are, and the whole country is, apparently expecting the Federal Government to do it all. In California, I’m told of a group of residents that believes that somehow the Feds can make landslides stop, and are expecting that solution any day, not to mention full monetary compensation for those homes built on questionable land.

Somehow along the line, it seems people in general forgot that idea that stuff happens.

Now we’ve got an entire society that can’t deal with any problem, be it as small as domestic violence, or as large as Hurricane Katrina. I don’t know how we all got into the idea that when something awful happens, you hafta sit around and wait for help to come, but that’s where we are right now.

I don’t know why we let ourselves get to the point where we can’t even get through a minor disruption in services. The other day, I heard about an electrical blackout on the East Coast. In response, locals were frantically establishing shelters and all kinds of services.

In 1979 or maybe 1980, we had a serious ice storm that cut off power to most of Southeastern Lower Michigan. Some homes were without power for weeks. Nobody expected FEMA to deal with local problem. I went, with the baby, to stay with friends outside the affected area for the duration. Once my husband figured out a generator, we went home. This was the way everybody dealt with this problem. People used their fireplaces, got water from their lakes if they had to.

People dealt with the problem. Everyone took action in their own way.

If you look at history, you find that the federal government had little or no role in some well-known disasters.

http://www.scvhistory.com/scvhistory/stfrancis.htm

http://www.seis.utah.edu/NEHRP_HTM/1959hebg/1959he1.htm

http://www.1900storm.com/rebuilding/index.lasso

Today, however, I guess we’re not supposed to deal with things on our own. I saw a documentary on Discovery/Times the other day that demonstrated clearly how some New Orleans residents are still sitting around and waiting for help to come, which I don’t get at all.

On a more-personal level, there are government programs to address everything from poverty to healthcare to illiteracy, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Most of these programs didn’t exist before about 1975, though a few date back to the Depression era. Few, if any of them, actually made any headway in addressing the problems they were intended to solve, and in some cases made matters worse, or created unexpected negative results. Even knowing this, we are still funding programs at unprecedented levels. In some cases, people are forced against their will to avail themselves of questionable services.

I know how most of these programs were created – a combination of societal guilt, with some opportunism and the merest whisper of altruism thrown in. Most of us want to feel we can do something to help the less fortunate. Sometimes, though, there’s nothing you can do. Solutions for some problems have to come from within individuals.

That’s where we’re running into trouble. I wonder if, by telling ourselves we’re “helping” by letting the government deal with some things, we’re not making it impossible for some to help themselves.

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