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The DLJ Goes Dark

11-26-06 3:45 A GMT-07

This will be my last post here at the DLJ blog. My decision to discontinue posting here is actually far more positive than it may seem. That’s because my current situation will allow me to focus on the thing that got me into activism and publishing the DLJ in the first place.

There are others who are quite ably covering the issues, such as Teri Stoddard, Wendy McElroy, and of course, Men’s News Daily and Mensactivism

The hundreds of good people all over the world I’ve met in the years since the DLJ was first launched (in 2001 as an e-mailed newsletter) have all taught me a lot, and given me the tools which I can use to effectively run a program that provides practical help for a group of people that sorely need it.

There are far too many of those who’ve helped along the way to list by name but my gratitude for each and every one of you is boundless.

I will be focusing my efforts on setting up a program for abused men in my local area of Yuma, Arizona. Under the auspices of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, I will establish first an online presence, (at least part of that will be a blog here at Blog-City)  and then an in-person peer counseling group. We’ll see where it goes from there.

Otherwise, about six weeks ago, I launched a blog on cooking, the Elementary Chef, and just yesterday was asked to contribute material to Dean’s World, which is much more widely-read than the DLJ ever was. On Dean’s World I’ll be chronicling my efforts to get my abused men’s program up and running, as well as other things that present themselves.

Happy trails!

Renew! Redocorate! Rework!

08-16-06 9:12 A GMT-07

I've got a couple of book projects that need finishing, one of which is a resource manual for DAHM.  As you know, things are changing rapidly, as evidenced by these stories:

Wife charged with murder

Wife of former Seahawk Chad Eaton arrested

I'm also going to be doing some re-working of the blog, as Blog City has upgraded to a new version.

I have to say something here…

08-11-06 11:59 P GMT-07

There is yet another hunger strike by a disenfranchised father going on. I have been asked to support this action, and have ignored all requests.

That’s because this particular strategy has been proven wrong, not only by many good Irishmen in 1981 who might now be more concerned with the antics of their grandchildren had they lived. Also by a disenfranchised father I knew for some time.

His name was Len Miskulin. You will not remember him, since his work and his quest was to no avail. All that happened with Len was that he lost his kids, and lost his health.

He hung on for some 53 days, if memory serves. He had some publicity for a time, since he was the first; at least in the UK. He came out of it so damaged he told me if he’d known how bad it was he’d try something else.

It’s been about five years, and I’ve lost track, but if I could find him and drag Len here to the US, I’m sure he’d tell anyone trying this radical stunt to STOP!!!

Today there are far more effective ways to influence public opinion. On a personal level, the reality is that this kind of stunt only causes harm. You might get a couple of media mentions, but the truth is nobody today wants to hear about divorced men acting so irresponsibly they can’t even consider their own health.

That’s the way it plays.

Why on Earth would any court want to allow a man with so little concern for life to be the custodian of his children?

How does this make any sense???

It really doesn’t.

I know I got a lot of extremely angry and barely coherent e-mails from a guy. I remember asking a perfectly civil question, and he came back with nonsense. I was supposed to buy his full package without question.

Gentlemen, there are so many fucking loose cannons in this movement I despair of ever being able to make positive gain.

Now there are claimed anti-feminists supporting insanity, I have no idea what to think.

The mothers and wives of the 1981 Irish protestors had no benefits. Nowt but the body comin out after death.

Dave Winer is Right About Sexism

08-11-06 2:43 A GMT-07

Like a lot of other things, he's right about this, too.

Maybe I assign too much wonderfulness to this guy, but he was my blogfather in actuality. One day in early 2003, a media newsletter I got had a reference to Scripting News. Being a non-programmer myself, i wondered why it was this kind of deep geek lore merited a place among media references.

So I went, and read, and drank that particular Kool-aid. I've been a blogger ever since.

Entirely separate from anything Dave has ever done, I used my blog to work for men's rights, father's rights, and the most important : unserved victims of domestic violence. These were things I'd already been working on. I just used the blog to go further.

Even though we've exchanged a few e-mails over time, he still isn't quite sure who I am. That's OK, I really can't expect somebody who likely gets hundreds of real e-mails every day to focus on one quirky lady.

Yesterday he said this:

Men know what we have to do, we've had it drilled into us for at least a generation. But there's a long to-do-list for women, and because men have been forced into silence on this subject, that list hasn't had a chance to develop. Liz, it's time to bend over backwards to create safety for men to speak on this subject. Many of your colleagues are already doing this. There are still a few standouts, and you are one of them. No more gender-bashing, lecturing and name-calling, and no more tolerance for that. I will consider what you have said. Now it would be great if you would do the same.

The man understands the ideals of equality, and expects women to do the same. He is far more diplomatic and decent than I would be in the same situation.

As a woman of education and influence, I feel diminished and insulted by events such as BlogHer, because that is precisely what they are designed to do. They have been created in order to congregate angry women who feel the rules of society don't apply to them, add fuel to their discomfiture, and eventually verify their paranoid fears of an oppressive patriarchy.

They are certainly divisive. Feminism has always been about division, and disdain for those who will not believe. I wish those otherwise-intelligent, and decent women who have bought that mess of pottage that feminism really is would recognize that it's time to stop hating, time to stop blaming, and most important : time to stop setting women up as any kind of special class of anything!

...and let the rest of us live our lives with our men in peace.

There's a quite easy test to apply: if you think something said about a man is funny, try replacing a woman in there. If you think it's hateful when applied to a woman -- bingo! It's sexist.

I'm old enough to know that there are far more bad, hateful things being said about men today then there ever were said about women in the last forty years.

Nobody has any right to diss an entire class of people. Nor to make any presumptions about them.

I thank God that Dave Winer had the cojones to bring it up.

Storyblogging Carnival Needs Help

08-11-06 1:42 A GMT-07

Doc Rampage reports that only one entry was sent this time. That's not nearly enough! c'mon, kids, put on your writing boots and compose!

Remember, a short story can be as little as 500 words. That's called flash fiction. Everything does NOT hafta be a 30,000 word Heinlein piece.

Send here;

Dave Gudeman
http://docrampage.blogspot.com/

 

Category: Writing

Revised domestic violence law falls short

posted 12-04-04

The Japan Times: Dec. 4, 2004


State, public still seem ignorant of severity, can't even call it a crime

By MASAMI ITO
Staff writer

Sachiko Nakajima was 20 years old when she began what should have been an ordinary college romance.
But it was anything but ordinary. The first time Nakajima's boyfriend attacked her they had not even been together a month. Afterward, he cried, saying didn't mean to do it, she recalled.

"He dragged me by the hair and repeatedly pounded my head against a concrete wall. He stopped only when I pretended to lose consciousness." said Nakajima, describing just one of the many times he hurt her. "The beating and kicking took place so often that I lost count."

The abuses Nakajima suffered should have been subject to a strict assault law, but such legislation is lacking.

A revised domestic violence law enacted in May took effect Thursday, but it is narrowly defined and pertains only to married and divorced couples, not unmarried couples living together, let alone dating pairs living separately. The definition of domestic violence was expanded, however, to include psychological abuse.

There are also new measures to prevent further abuse and to provide support services for the victims.

But the law, enacted in 2001, leaves out dating violence, which in many cases progresses into domestic violence if marriage occurs.

"The law may have been revised, but so many people like dating singles, gay couples and the elderly are excluded," said Nakajima, who founded Resilience, a victim support group for domestic violence.

She explained that a law to protect married people is not enough, and that the definition of domestic violence should be broadened.

"The law needs to take effect (at the point when people start dating) in order to actually prevent domestic violence, because violence does not (always) begin with marriage," she said.

Nakajima spent nearly five years with her violent boyfriend, in which physical abuse was only part of her ordeal.

He sexually abused her, forced her to get a student loan, which he spent, and threatened to kill himself or harm her family if she broke up with him.

Nakajima went through every type of violence imaginable -- physical, mental, financial and sexual -- and said her fear was so deep that she did not even consider leaving him until the day he told her that he had killed three kittens.

"I thought that if he could kill such small precious lives, he could kill our children" if we ever had a family, Nakajima said.

"I could not save myself, but I knew I had to leave for my future child."

Even now, nearly 20 years later, Nakajima still has nightmares about him every few months.

"It's often said that the scars of physical violence do not last forever, and I found that to be true," she said. "It's the scars on your heart that are difficult to heal."

Nakajima stressed the importance of having a law cover psychological violence as well as physical violence, because not all abuse is visible.

The revised domestic violence law says the state must draw up a basic policy for helping victims recover and orders each prefecture to come up with its own plan.

Hiroko Goto, a professor of gender issues at Chiba University, said that while the revisions are a step forward, specific plans have yet to materialize.

"The law started out as a means of crisis intervention," Goto said. "It was designed to help (authorities) decide whether to step in when a person was being abused. But what then became necessary was a way to support victims after such violence had occurred.

"I think such support should be treated as one component of (overall) support for crime victims. Awareness that domestic violence (should constitute) a crime is still very low in Japan, especially by the media.

"If a child died after being neglected at home, the media would call it child abuse. But if a woman kills an abusive husband in self-defense, his behavior toward her would never be termed domestic violence."

To better protect the victim, the revised law extends the maximum period a court can impose a restraining order on the abuser to two months from two weeks.

It also states that courts can now order a perpetrator to stay away from the victims' children, even if the kids were not also targeted with abuse.

However, Goto pointed out that since the clause does not explicitly strip offenders of their parental right to see their children, there is a contradiction in the law. She believes the child clause is not aimed at protecting the children; it is to stop the abuser from using them to get at the victim.

"There are limits to the law, because the law reflects public awareness," Goto said. "I am afraid the public has yet to fully understand what domestic violence is all about."

And this goes for offenders as well, according to Noriko Yamaguchi, founder of Aware, a Tokyo rehabilitation facility for abusive husbands established in 2002.

Yamaguchi has spoken with dozens of abusive husbands. "The offenders don't realize they are being abusive," she said. "Some say their wives 'made' them turn violent; others convince themselves that it was just a marital quarrel."

According to Yamaguchi, abusers finally open their eyes when their spouses threaten divorce or move out of the house.

At Aware, abusive husbands are supposed to spend a year with Yamaguchi in weekly, two-hour group sessions.

Most men initially find it difficult to understand their problems, but they begin to realize the gravity of what they have done as they listen to the others, she said.

"But unfortunately, not many stick (with the program) for a year," Yamaguchi said. "Some must travel from distant prefectures like Iwate, Nagano or Shizuoka, which is difficult. Others just give up."

Yamaguchi said there is nothing she can do about it.

While an abusive husband can be arrested for assault, including that of causing injury resulting in death, Japan's legal system does not outline specific penalties for perpetrators of domestic violence.

"The current (domestic violence) law is only for the victims," Yamaguchi said. "But if they are to be really safe, a program for offenders should be included. These men need to be legally bound to mend their ways and learn to take responsibility for their actions."