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The DLJ Goes Dark

11-26-06 3:45 A GMT-07

This will be my last post here at the DLJ blog. My decision to discontinue posting here is actually far more positive than it may seem. That’s because my current situation will allow me to focus on the thing that got me into activism and publishing the DLJ in the first place.

There are others who are quite ably covering the issues, such as Teri Stoddard, Wendy McElroy, and of course, Men’s News Daily and Mensactivism

The hundreds of good people all over the world I’ve met in the years since the DLJ was first launched (in 2001 as an e-mailed newsletter) have all taught me a lot, and given me the tools which I can use to effectively run a program that provides practical help for a group of people that sorely need it.

There are far too many of those who’ve helped along the way to list by name but my gratitude for each and every one of you is boundless.

I will be focusing my efforts on setting up a program for abused men in my local area of Yuma, Arizona. Under the auspices of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, I will establish first an online presence, (at least part of that will be a blog here at Blog-City)  and then an in-person peer counseling group. We’ll see where it goes from there.

Otherwise, about six weeks ago, I launched a blog on cooking, the Elementary Chef, and just yesterday was asked to contribute material to Dean’s World, which is much more widely-read than the DLJ ever was. On Dean’s World I’ll be chronicling my efforts to get my abused men’s program up and running, as well as other things that present themselves.

Happy trails!

Renew! Redocorate! Rework!

08-16-06 9:12 A GMT-07

I've got a couple of book projects that need finishing, one of which is a resource manual for DAHM.  As you know, things are changing rapidly, as evidenced by these stories:

Wife charged with murder

Wife of former Seahawk Chad Eaton arrested

I'm also going to be doing some re-working of the blog, as Blog City has upgraded to a new version.

I have to say something here…

08-11-06 11:59 P GMT-07

There is yet another hunger strike by a disenfranchised father going on. I have been asked to support this action, and have ignored all requests.

That’s because this particular strategy has been proven wrong, not only by many good Irishmen in 1981 who might now be more concerned with the antics of their grandchildren had they lived. Also by a disenfranchised father I knew for some time.

His name was Len Miskulin. You will not remember him, since his work and his quest was to no avail. All that happened with Len was that he lost his kids, and lost his health.

He hung on for some 53 days, if memory serves. He had some publicity for a time, since he was the first; at least in the UK. He came out of it so damaged he told me if he’d known how bad it was he’d try something else.

It’s been about five years, and I’ve lost track, but if I could find him and drag Len here to the US, I’m sure he’d tell anyone trying this radical stunt to STOP!!!

Today there are far more effective ways to influence public opinion. On a personal level, the reality is that this kind of stunt only causes harm. You might get a couple of media mentions, but the truth is nobody today wants to hear about divorced men acting so irresponsibly they can’t even consider their own health.

That’s the way it plays.

Why on Earth would any court want to allow a man with so little concern for life to be the custodian of his children?

How does this make any sense???

It really doesn’t.

I know I got a lot of extremely angry and barely coherent e-mails from a guy. I remember asking a perfectly civil question, and he came back with nonsense. I was supposed to buy his full package without question.

Gentlemen, there are so many fucking loose cannons in this movement I despair of ever being able to make positive gain.

Now there are claimed anti-feminists supporting insanity, I have no idea what to think.

The mothers and wives of the 1981 Irish protestors had no benefits. Nowt but the body comin out after death.

Dave Winer is Right About Sexism

08-11-06 2:43 A GMT-07

Like a lot of other things, he's right about this, too.

Maybe I assign too much wonderfulness to this guy, but he was my blogfather in actuality. One day in early 2003, a media newsletter I got had a reference to Scripting News. Being a non-programmer myself, i wondered why it was this kind of deep geek lore merited a place among media references.

So I went, and read, and drank that particular Kool-aid. I've been a blogger ever since.

Entirely separate from anything Dave has ever done, I used my blog to work for men's rights, father's rights, and the most important : unserved victims of domestic violence. These were things I'd already been working on. I just used the blog to go further.

Even though we've exchanged a few e-mails over time, he still isn't quite sure who I am. That's OK, I really can't expect somebody who likely gets hundreds of real e-mails every day to focus on one quirky lady.

Yesterday he said this:

Men know what we have to do, we've had it drilled into us for at least a generation. But there's a long to-do-list for women, and because men have been forced into silence on this subject, that list hasn't had a chance to develop. Liz, it's time to bend over backwards to create safety for men to speak on this subject. Many of your colleagues are already doing this. There are still a few standouts, and you are one of them. No more gender-bashing, lecturing and name-calling, and no more tolerance for that. I will consider what you have said. Now it would be great if you would do the same.

The man understands the ideals of equality, and expects women to do the same. He is far more diplomatic and decent than I would be in the same situation.

As a woman of education and influence, I feel diminished and insulted by events such as BlogHer, because that is precisely what they are designed to do. They have been created in order to congregate angry women who feel the rules of society don't apply to them, add fuel to their discomfiture, and eventually verify their paranoid fears of an oppressive patriarchy.

They are certainly divisive. Feminism has always been about division, and disdain for those who will not believe. I wish those otherwise-intelligent, and decent women who have bought that mess of pottage that feminism really is would recognize that it's time to stop hating, time to stop blaming, and most important : time to stop setting women up as any kind of special class of anything!

...and let the rest of us live our lives with our men in peace.

There's a quite easy test to apply: if you think something said about a man is funny, try replacing a woman in there. If you think it's hateful when applied to a woman -- bingo! It's sexist.

I'm old enough to know that there are far more bad, hateful things being said about men today then there ever were said about women in the last forty years.

Nobody has any right to diss an entire class of people. Nor to make any presumptions about them.

I thank God that Dave Winer had the cojones to bring it up.

Storyblogging Carnival Needs Help

08-11-06 1:42 A GMT-07

Doc Rampage reports that only one entry was sent this time. That's not nearly enough! c'mon, kids, put on your writing boots and compose!

Remember, a short story can be as little as 500 words. That's called flash fiction. Everything does NOT hafta be a 30,000 word Heinlein piece.

Send here;

Dave Gudeman
http://docrampage.blogspot.com/

 

Category: Writing

Concern Grows Over Domestic Violence Costs

posted 01-15-05

 Dan Gorenstein, 2005-01-14
NHPR

Domestic violence takes a toll on our society.

Put aside the obvious costs to the victim and the legal costs of prosecution.

Our medical system also pays the price for Domestic violence.

The Centers for Disease Control estimates the nation spent nearly 4.1 billion dollars in 2003 for medical and mental health services related to domestic abuse.

One strategy for cutting those costs, and perhaps reduce further risk, is to screen patients for domestic violence.

But despite a state-wide campaign to increase screening in recent years, many providers still don't.

Hoping to light a fire under those physicians, emergency rooms, and clinics, the state's largest health insurer-Anthem- has produced an instructional guide to help address the issue.

New Hampshire Public Radio's Dan Gorenstein has this report.

see more >>A rough transcript (not word for word accurate):

For four years doctors and nurses in the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Emergency Room have been asking patients two simple questions:

Have you been hit, kicked or punched by a family member or intimate partner?

Do you feel safe in your house?

Registered Nurse June Stacy says initially, patients chafed or were even downright offended by the questions.

But she says over time, attitudes have begun to change.

T.5
:00 ... very rarely do you get anybody that is shocked when you ask that question, these are routine questions we ask everyone. And then you ask them if they feel safe and they answer in whatever way they do, I haven't gotten that shocked, or how dare you. It's been more, I think that's a really great idea that you are doing that, it doesn't apply to me, but I'm really glad you are doing that...this is a long time coming, those are the types of comments.

While patients may have grown accustomed to answering the questions, that doesn't mean it's easy for nurses and doctors.

Domestic violence screening forces health providers to face the awkward task of probing into someone's private family details.

And sometimes that's a very uncomfortable assignment.

But Anthem Medical Director John Robinson says commonly what prevents screenings is that doctors are afraid they might not get the easy answer.

And then they'll have to do something.

2:57 ... if a doctor doesn't feel comfortable in his connection with support services, he is going to be some what reluctant to bring up the issue at all for fear of opening Pandora's box and then not ebing able to provide any resources to the patient after having done that.

When that Pandora's Box is opened at Dartmouth Hitchcock, the staff knows exactly what to do: they immediately contact the local crisis center.

Dartmouth-Hitchcock, however, is not representative of all the health facilities in the state.

So to both help and push providers to recognize the costs of domestic violence, Anthem decided to publish a 30-page guide.

It came out last fall and provides doctors and nurses with state reporting requirements, screening tips and referral resources.

Anthem's John Robinson says the insurer wants providers to understand how pervasive the problem is.

7:26 ... a woman might present with a tension headache and the physician will go about prescribing medications, but will not get around to asking whether there might be some dv as a background for why this woman has a tension headache in the first place.

Anthem has begun to ask itself how much it costs when physicians and nurses don't ask those questions.

Coming up with that answer is difficult.

The AMA has estimated that 1 in 4 women is a victim of domestic violence during her lifetime.

But no one seems to know how many New Hampshire victims seek medical assistance every year.

Still, without those numbers, Anthem calculates that each year it pays at minimum $1 million dollars in medical claims due to domestic violence.

Jennifer Pierce-Weeks is registered nurse who works with the New Hampshire Coalition against Domestic and Sexual Violence.

She complains screening is still too inconsistent, and providers still don't understand how to do it properly.

But she says she has no illusions about how much ground has been gained in recent years.

Recalling a former patient, Pierce-Weeks remembers how it used to be.

T.9
3:42 the first time we saw her she had a black eye, and the second time we saw her, she had multiple injuries all over her, and the third time we saw her, she had a fractured clavicle, and the fourth time she had a head injury and was sexually assaulted, and all of that was at the hands of her abuser. It wasn't until her sexual assault and head injury she talked about the abuse. But we weren't asking either.

Pierce-Weeks, Anthem and others believe stories like those are becoming the exception.

And while the healthcare community broadly accepts screening is not a panacea, they say it's better than not asking at all.

For NHPR News, I'm DG.