Champions of domestic violence shelter encourage awareness
Posted: 01/14/2005 14:00:06
SUN CITY, Ariz. (AP) -- Carole Parnell of Sun City West paid close attention at a recent Thursday night's Domestic Violence 101 forum in Surprise. Along with the rest of the country, she was shocked by the news of the murder of a pregnant Laci Peterson by her husband. But it wasn't because it seemed so unbelievable. It happened to her family too.
Parnell's pregnant stepdaughter was killed by her husband in 1990 in Florida. "He didn't want children," said Parnell. Her stepdaughter's husband took his own life after the murder.
As speaker Bahney Dedolph reported to the crowd, the homicide of women is the seventh leading cause of premature death among women. It is the number one leading cause of premature death among African American women age 15 to 45.
"It is shocking to think what a great threat this (domestic violence) is," said Parnell. "I definitely want to learn more."
Parnell wasn't educated about domestic violence when it struck close to her family. She didn't know the warning signs to look for in her stepdaughter's husband. She wasn't aware of any abuse before the murder. And she was shocked to learn the man kept tape recorders all over the house to spy on his wife.
This sort of coercive control, said Dedolph, is exactly how batterers make their victims stay. Dedolph, community programs supervisor at Catholic Social Service in El Mirage, is one of a number of speakers to speak on topics relating to domestic violence. A series of forums organized by Eve's Place -- a future domestic violence shelter and counseling service in Surprise -- is planned for the first Thursday of every month.
Currently, a building for Eve's Place is in the planning stages, said volunteer Marge Clark.
The first goal, said Clark, is to have more educational forums to get community members talking about the topic.
"We don't want to believe it's happening," said Clark. "As we are more knowledgeable about this issue, we'll be more willing to say this behavior is not acceptable."
To illustrate a batterers' tactics, Dedolph handed audience members a "power and control wheel" diagram outlining the ways in which a batterer keeps control. Among them, using intimidation, isolation, and blaming the woman as the cause of the abuse.
"We're very good asking the question, 'Why doesn't she leave?"' said Dedolph. "We're not very good at asking the question, 'Why does he abuse?"'
The forum's purpose, said Dedolph, was to talk about something many people try to ignore.
"We need to be talking about domestic violence all over our community," said Dedolph. As for whether it strikes the over-55 community as much as the 20-somethings, Dedolph replied, "It's as prevalent in the senior community as any other community. Domestic violence does not discriminate."
She told the story of when she worked in a battered women's shelter in Alabama. A woman came in with the worst case of abuse she'd ever seen.
"She was black and blue from head to toe," said Dedolph.
When Dedolph asked the woman what happened, she replied, "It's my fault. I burnt the peas."
Dedolph went on to talk about how to talk to a battered woman, how to convince her to leave without being another controlling person in her life, and why it will take an average of eight times before a woman leaves her abuser for good.
"She stays because leaving is the most dangerous time," said Dedolph. "It's the most likely time when she will be seriously abused or killed."
Dedolph said her goal is for the Phoenix area to be a zero tolerance community for abuse one day. But she said it takes the support of the residents to eliminate violence.