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The DLJ Goes Dark

11-26-06 3:45 A GMT-07

This will be my last post here at the DLJ blog. My decision to discontinue posting here is actually far more positive than it may seem. That’s because my current situation will allow me to focus on the thing that got me into activism and publishing the DLJ in the first place.

There are others who are quite ably covering the issues, such as Teri Stoddard, Wendy McElroy, and of course, Men’s News Daily and Mensactivism

The hundreds of good people all over the world I’ve met in the years since the DLJ was first launched (in 2001 as an e-mailed newsletter) have all taught me a lot, and given me the tools which I can use to effectively run a program that provides practical help for a group of people that sorely need it.

There are far too many of those who’ve helped along the way to list by name but my gratitude for each and every one of you is boundless.

I will be focusing my efforts on setting up a program for abused men in my local area of Yuma, Arizona. Under the auspices of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, I will establish first an online presence, (at least part of that will be a blog here at Blog-City)  and then an in-person peer counseling group. We’ll see where it goes from there.

Otherwise, about six weeks ago, I launched a blog on cooking, the Elementary Chef, and just yesterday was asked to contribute material to Dean’s World, which is much more widely-read than the DLJ ever was. On Dean’s World I’ll be chronicling my efforts to get my abused men’s program up and running, as well as other things that present themselves.

Happy trails!

Renew! Redocorate! Rework!

08-16-06 9:12 A GMT-07

I've got a couple of book projects that need finishing, one of which is a resource manual for DAHM.  As you know, things are changing rapidly, as evidenced by these stories:

Wife charged with murder

Wife of former Seahawk Chad Eaton arrested

I'm also going to be doing some re-working of the blog, as Blog City has upgraded to a new version.

I have to say something here…

08-11-06 11:59 P GMT-07

There is yet another hunger strike by a disenfranchised father going on. I have been asked to support this action, and have ignored all requests.

That’s because this particular strategy has been proven wrong, not only by many good Irishmen in 1981 who might now be more concerned with the antics of their grandchildren had they lived. Also by a disenfranchised father I knew for some time.

His name was Len Miskulin. You will not remember him, since his work and his quest was to no avail. All that happened with Len was that he lost his kids, and lost his health.

He hung on for some 53 days, if memory serves. He had some publicity for a time, since he was the first; at least in the UK. He came out of it so damaged he told me if he’d known how bad it was he’d try something else.

It’s been about five years, and I’ve lost track, but if I could find him and drag Len here to the US, I’m sure he’d tell anyone trying this radical stunt to STOP!!!

Today there are far more effective ways to influence public opinion. On a personal level, the reality is that this kind of stunt only causes harm. You might get a couple of media mentions, but the truth is nobody today wants to hear about divorced men acting so irresponsibly they can’t even consider their own health.

That’s the way it plays.

Why on Earth would any court want to allow a man with so little concern for life to be the custodian of his children?

How does this make any sense???

It really doesn’t.

I know I got a lot of extremely angry and barely coherent e-mails from a guy. I remember asking a perfectly civil question, and he came back with nonsense. I was supposed to buy his full package without question.

Gentlemen, there are so many fucking loose cannons in this movement I despair of ever being able to make positive gain.

Now there are claimed anti-feminists supporting insanity, I have no idea what to think.

The mothers and wives of the 1981 Irish protestors had no benefits. Nowt but the body comin out after death.

Dave Winer is Right About Sexism

08-11-06 2:43 A GMT-07

Like a lot of other things, he's right about this, too.

Maybe I assign too much wonderfulness to this guy, but he was my blogfather in actuality. One day in early 2003, a media newsletter I got had a reference to Scripting News. Being a non-programmer myself, i wondered why it was this kind of deep geek lore merited a place among media references.

So I went, and read, and drank that particular Kool-aid. I've been a blogger ever since.

Entirely separate from anything Dave has ever done, I used my blog to work for men's rights, father's rights, and the most important : unserved victims of domestic violence. These were things I'd already been working on. I just used the blog to go further.

Even though we've exchanged a few e-mails over time, he still isn't quite sure who I am. That's OK, I really can't expect somebody who likely gets hundreds of real e-mails every day to focus on one quirky lady.

Yesterday he said this:

Men know what we have to do, we've had it drilled into us for at least a generation. But there's a long to-do-list for women, and because men have been forced into silence on this subject, that list hasn't had a chance to develop. Liz, it's time to bend over backwards to create safety for men to speak on this subject. Many of your colleagues are already doing this. There are still a few standouts, and you are one of them. No more gender-bashing, lecturing and name-calling, and no more tolerance for that. I will consider what you have said. Now it would be great if you would do the same.

The man understands the ideals of equality, and expects women to do the same. He is far more diplomatic and decent than I would be in the same situation.

As a woman of education and influence, I feel diminished and insulted by events such as BlogHer, because that is precisely what they are designed to do. They have been created in order to congregate angry women who feel the rules of society don't apply to them, add fuel to their discomfiture, and eventually verify their paranoid fears of an oppressive patriarchy.

They are certainly divisive. Feminism has always been about division, and disdain for those who will not believe. I wish those otherwise-intelligent, and decent women who have bought that mess of pottage that feminism really is would recognize that it's time to stop hating, time to stop blaming, and most important : time to stop setting women up as any kind of special class of anything!

...and let the rest of us live our lives with our men in peace.

There's a quite easy test to apply: if you think something said about a man is funny, try replacing a woman in there. If you think it's hateful when applied to a woman -- bingo! It's sexist.

I'm old enough to know that there are far more bad, hateful things being said about men today then there ever were said about women in the last forty years.

Nobody has any right to diss an entire class of people. Nor to make any presumptions about them.

I thank God that Dave Winer had the cojones to bring it up.

Storyblogging Carnival Needs Help

08-11-06 1:42 A GMT-07

Doc Rampage reports that only one entry was sent this time. That's not nearly enough! c'mon, kids, put on your writing boots and compose!

Remember, a short story can be as little as 500 words. That's called flash fiction. Everything does NOT hafta be a 30,000 word Heinlein piece.

Send here;

Dave Gudeman
http://docrampage.blogspot.com/

 

Category: Writing

10 ways to fix domestic violence programs

posted 04-12-06
With previously unrecognized and unserved populations (the male victims and female abusers) now gaining the attention of national media, and US legislators seriously considering how they want to fund these programs, it is only a matter of time before the domestic violence industry faces a rude awakening. Agencies providing services to victims will need to make some hard choices, and decide if they can or will continue to function the same as they have in the past.
 
I’ve come up with 10 points these agencies should consider if they want to stay in business. These are in no particular order.
 
1.      Tell the truth – While myth-making and storytelling may have their places elsewhere, the realm of “helping” agencies is not that place. Because the issue of domestic violence is something quite different than the public has been led to believe, it is time to start depicting the issue in realistic terms.
2.      Open the doors to the public that needs you – Limiting services to specific groups of people based on anything other than ability to demonstrate need is exclusionary and wrong. There can be no excuses, especially when the reality of DV is recognized.
3.      Aim for transparency – Client confidentiality is something quite different than agency confidentiality. Lifting the veil of secrecy surrounding these programs would be helpful to both clients and the community at large.
4.      Devise new solutions – The public doesn’t fully realize it yet, but the shelter system is not working. It is only self-propagating. What clients want and need are practical ways to approach the problem in their own lives, not a different life.
5.      Require expertise – Far too many shelter directors have little or no training in the daily operations of a social services program. Simply being well-versed in women's studies in college has no application when staff must be managed, and the building needs repair. Most programs are still using outmoded and essentially counterproductive fundraising methods that are little more than publicity stunts in today’s media-savvy world.
6.      Become a part of the community – As many other agencies have seen, developing good relationships with the other agencies, including networking and sharing resources can be of immeasurable help. The artificial and needless barriers that now exist, particularly with law enforcement, is part of the reason DV programs are ineffectual. The vacuum cannot be maintained forever.
7.      Welcome examination – This is becoming common practice in other agencies, as they reach out beyond their stakeholders to the community at large for help and solutions. If current practices do not stand up to examination, then so be it. The past refusal of DV services to see what works and what doesn’t is beyond comprehension.  
8.      Respond to changing times – Programs as they are, focused on unemployed women may have been helpful in the 1970s, when many of them were established, but the culture has changed. Fully 70% of women are now working, which means that programs will only be of help of any kind to that remaining 30% of women who are unemployed. When you limit that number further by removing those women who are abusers, rather than victims, and those with older boys, you reach a number that is almost insignificant in terms of impact on the community. If the issue has been finally examined in light of reality rather than the long-standing myth-making process, this will not result in a flood of new clients that agencies are unable to serve. There may in fact, be even fewer than expected.   
9.      Obey the law – recent changes in VAWA is going to make it more and more difficult to hide the fact the few programs function in accordance with the EEO clause of federal granting. It will no longer be enough to insist that equal access is provided; equal access must be demonstrated. In other words, 3 will not equal 120 any more, just because an agency says it does. I’m sure anyone can recognize how important it is to an agency to maintain its funding and keep its staff out of jail.
10. Get out of politics – This may be the most important point. Freeing up resources that have in the past been devoted to political campaigns and law-making may be a very positive thing for DV programs. Domestic violence is a purely human problem requiring a human approach. That human approach has been seriously lacking, another reason why the programs we have do so little to help victims free themselves from the cycle of violence in their lives.
 
 

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