This will be my last post here at the DLJ blog. My decision to discontinue posting here is actually far more positive than it may seem. That’s because my current situation will allow me to focus on the thing that got me into activism and publishing the DLJ in the first place.

There are others who are quite ably covering the issues, such as Teri Stoddard, Wendy McElroy, and of course, Men’s News Daily and Mensactivism. 

The hundreds of good people all over the world I’ve met in the years since the DLJ was first launched (in 2001 as an e-mailed newsletter) have all taught me a lot, and given me the tools which I can use to effectively run a program that provides practical help for a group of people that sorely need it.

There are far too many of those who’ve helped along the way to list by name but my gratitude for each and every one of you is boundless.

I will be focusing my efforts on setting up a program for abused men in my local area of Yuma, Arizona. Under the auspices of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, I will establish first an online presence, (at least part of that will be a blog here at Blog-City)  and then an in-person peer counseling group. We’ll see where it goes from there.

Otherwise, about six weeks ago, I launched a blog on cooking, the Elementary Chef, and just yesterday was asked to contribute material to Dean’s World, which is much more widely-read than the DLJ ever was. On Dean’s World I’ll be chronicling my efforts to get my abused men’s program up and running, as well as other things that present themselves.

Happy trails!

I've got a couple of book projects that need finishing, one of which is a resource manual for DAHM.  As you know, things are changing rapidly, as evidenced by these stories:

Wife charged with murder

Wife of former Seahawk Chad Eaton arrested

I'm also going to be doing some re-working of the blog, as Blog City has upgraded to a new version.

There is yet another hunger strike by a disenfranchised father going on. I have been asked to support this action, and have ignored all requests.

That’s because this particular strategy has been proven wrong, not only by many good Irishmen in 1981 who might now be more concerned with the antics of their grandchildren had they lived. Also by a disenfranchised father I knew for some time.

His name was Len Miskulin. You will not remember him, since his work and his quest was to no avail. All that happened with Len was that he lost his kids, and lost his health.

He hung on for some 53 days, if memory serves. He had some publicity for a time, since he was the first; at least in the UK. He came out of it so damaged he told me if he’d known how bad it was he’d try something else.

It’s been about five years, and I’ve lost track, but if I could find him and drag Len here to the US, I’m sure he’d tell anyone trying this radical stunt to STOP!!!

Today there are far more effective ways to influence public opinion. On a personal level, the reality is that this kind of stunt only causes harm. You might get a couple of media mentions, but the truth is nobody today wants to hear about divorced men acting so irresponsibly they can’t even consider their own health.

That’s the way it plays.

Why on Earth would any court want to allow a man with so little concern for life to be the custodian of his children?

How does this make any sense???

It really doesn’t.

I know I got a lot of extremely angry and barely coherent e-mails from a guy. I remember asking a perfectly civil question, and he came back with nonsense. I was supposed to buy his full package without question.

Gentlemen, there are so many fucking loose cannons in this movement I despair of ever being able to make positive gain.

Now there are claimed anti-feminists supporting insanity, I have no idea what to think.

The mothers and wives of the 1981 Irish protestors had no benefits. Nowt but the body comin out after death.

Like a lot of other things, he's right about this, too.

Maybe I assign too much wonderfulness to this guy, but he was my blogfather in actuality. One day in early 2003, a media newsletter I got had a reference to Scripting News. Being a non-programmer myself, i wondered why it was this kind of deep geek lore merited a place among media references.

So I went, and read, and drank that particular Kool-aid. I've been a blogger ever since.

Entirely separate from anything Dave has ever done, I used my blog to work for men's rights, father's rights, and the most important : unserved victims of domestic violence. These were things I'd already been working on. I just used the blog to go further.

Even though we've exchanged a few e-mails over time, he still isn't quite sure who I am. That's OK, I really can't expect somebody who likely gets hundreds of real e-mails every day to focus on one quirky lady.

Yesterday he said this:

Men know what we have to do, we've had it drilled into us for at least a generation. But there's a long to-do-list for women, and because men have been forced into silence on this subject, that list hasn't had a chance to develop. Liz, it's time to bend over backwards to create safety for men to speak on this subject. Many of your colleagues are already doing this. There are still a few standouts, and you are one of them. No more gender-bashing, lecturing and name-calling, and no more tolerance for that. I will consider what you have said. Now it would be great if you would do the same.

The man understands the ideals of equality, and expects women to do the same. He is far more diplomatic and decent than I would be in the same situation.

As a woman of education and influence, I feel diminished and insulted by events such as BlogHer, because that is precisely what they are designed to do. They have been created in order to congregate angry women who feel the rules of society don't apply to them, add fuel to their discomfiture, and eventually verify their paranoid fears of an oppressive patriarchy.

They are certainly divisive. Feminism has always been about division, and disdain for those who will not believe. I wish those otherwise-intelligent, and decent women who have bought that mess of pottage that feminism really is would recognize that it's time to stop hating, time to stop blaming, and most important : time to stop setting women up as any kind of special class of anything!

...and let the rest of us live our lives with our men in peace.

There's a quite easy test to apply: if you think something said about a man is funny, try replacing a woman in there. If you think it's hateful when applied to a woman -- bingo! It's sexist.

I'm old enough to know that there are far more bad, hateful things being said about men today then there ever were said about women in the last forty years.

Nobody has any right to diss an entire class of people. Nor to make any presumptions about them.

I thank God that Dave Winer had the cojones to bring it up.

Doc Rampage reports that only one entry was sent this time. That's not nearly enough! c'mon, kids, put on your writing boots and compose!

Remember, a short story can be as little as 500 words. That's called flash fiction. Everything does NOT hafta be a 30,000 word Heinlein piece.

Send here;

Dave Gudeman
http://docrampage.blogspot.com/

I have been so busy this week I’m waving hello to myself leaving as I get to the base. Not only have the 20 or so pay-as-you-go computers at the video store been eliminated, we have an influx of National Guard and Army men. (Make no mistake, I love our Army men – they are just a different variety than our Marines.)  So our ten (yes, TEN!!!) computers are serving literally hundreds of servicepeople a day. This at a time when we’re short-handed. However, that has found a remedy, and we’ll be back up to close-to-full staff come Monday. It is nice to have so many people about the stacks at the library, though, since many do read while they’re waiting and check out books.

Tonite we were saddened by a casualty.   The earlier report from the Sun is here.

Earlier in the week there was other stuff, but I can’t talk about it. Sheesh!

I know I have at least one commenter waiting for a response, and I’ll get to that ASAP.

I can’t help but feel I’m in the midst of history happening. Our little base, and the small town of Yuma AZ really seems to be having a place in the national consciousness these days.

For those of you who may know someone in the National Guard being sent here for their two weeks: please know we’re doing the best we can to see your loved ones are properly taken care of!  A big benefit here; the library is well air-conditioned, and EVERYTHING IS FREE!!

The basic divisiveness of events like BlogHer is the reason I try not to comment on them. Why add more fuel to the fire of those who would set us against each other, while claiming to be "progressive" in some way?

Dave Winer, who attended the most recent one, had these thoughts:

A simple case of men talking about gender, pointing out male-bashing. It's not proactive, it's not even very imaginative. A woman (and sometimes a man, to impress a woman) says something negative about the male gender. I've tried to object, to point out the male-bash, and been told to lighten up, it's just a joke, or be strong, be a man. In other words, shut the fuck up. Your opinion is worth even less if you're white. And something I've only been learning in the last few years, if you're old, white and male, you're worth less than shit. (You can see the ageist BS in Chris Boese's post, although she said nothing about my whiteness, perhaps because she is also white?)

So, ironically, all these people who tell us to shut up have one thing in common, they're fighting for freedom, but don't see the contradiction that freedom has to be inclusive. If you fight for your freedom by supressing someone else's, well, the math just doesn't work. Freedom isn't exclusive, it has to be inclusive.

More here

See, the problem enters where otherwise intelligent, caring people, find themselves in the trap of thinking there are any jokes there, or any reason women need special treatment to succeed. In anything. Feminism has long since ceased being funny, if it ever was. Not many people realise how deadly serious feminism is. Even women are getting sick of the condescension.

More on political correctness in the blogosphere here

That’s what Jeff Jarvis said about a number of ways publishers are making their books available and accessible. He says:

Harper Collins started changing the book yesterday, announcing that it would now create and sell audio content with and around authors and books. The publisher is also making it possible to browse inside books on its own site and elsewhere. “We want to reach consumers wherever they are, however they wish to experience our authors and their words,” said Jane Friedman, President and CEO of HarperCollins Publishers Worldwide. Now that’s the ticket. Next add to this New York Times story about publishers making videos — trailers — about books and authors to promote them. And we start to hear authors’ voices beyond print…

There’s a pretty good discussion pro & con going on at Buzz Machine. His post is entitled, Exploding Books. I like that!

I’m one of those who embrace those new ways of getting your words out. I’ve always seen things like speaking and blogging – whatever else you can think of – to support and promote your other works as part of a package. It’s a reality that even those in other arts, such as the painters and sculptors, need to be aware of and work with in whatever way they can.

I believe that people won’t know about your work unless you can tell them in some way. The more ways you have to reach out to more people, the better, and the fact that major publishers are getting on board with new ideas is a great thing.

Not all writers accept that reality, for a lot of reasons. Some still believe in the magic, thinking that all you need is a book on a shelf somewhere, and your work is done. Some think that doing these other things is somehow beneath them, and cheapens their work. Others just don’t believe enough in their own work to “own” it, in the ways that include talking about it to strangers.

Now, I see all those reasons as excuses. When I was teaching writers to promote their works, the number one excuse from authors was that they didn’t have time for these other things. It’s true, putting together a presentation, finding ways to get it heard or seen does take time and a lot of other kinds of ingenuity that weren’t in play when you were alone with your keyboard and writing a book. 

What it all comes down to is whether you want to make that time, or not. Is it important enough that your book be read for you to take time away from something else?

There is another consideration, though. Some writers can’t get past the fear of the public, or are sometimes not good at speaking, as you can see if you spend a weekend morning or afternoon watching BookTV. Some writers are unattractive or may have disabilities that would keep them from public appearances where the person, not the words are important. For example, I know a writer with Tourette’s syndrome. How would that work in a stressful situation such as making a video?

One of Jeff Jarvis’s commenters lamented their inability to create things requiring more technology than they could reasonably use. 

I’m also thinking, though, that having a variety of possibilities is a good thing for those who are willing to put their creativity to work and see how they can best use what they have available to them.

I don’t think that when you’ve written a book, then your job as an author is finished. When you’ve written a book the job has only begun.

The original of the ugliness is below. They talk about "anti-racism" yet fail to see their basic problem.

These are our tax dollars at work.

 http://www.capd.org/projs_pubs/FlippingTheScript.pdf

 Flipping the Script: White Privilege and Community Building 
  
  
Friday, August 4, 2:15pm - 3:45pm
Track:  Cultural Competency
 
Presenters
Maggie Potapchuk, MP Associates, Inc; Sally Leiderman, Center for Assessment and Policy Development
 
Description
 
This session is specifically for grantmakers, capacity-builders and technical assistance providers with a basic knowledge of white privilege who would like to explore ways to build the sector's capacities to work in effective multi-racial partnerships for social justice goals.  The session will focus on how to avoid unexamined white privilege and racism in our work, using examples related to the theories of change, evaluations and partnerships we develop. This workshop is based on the monograph, Flipping the Script: White Privilege and Community Building, in which each of these areas is examined with recommendations for next steps – at the individual and system or institutional levels.  We will provide an overview of the monograph sharing the questions it raises about our work in communities.  Most of the workshop will be spent in an interactive discussion among participants, focusing on the extent to which the themes raised in the monograph resonate in their work, and the group's experience and ideas about how to address white privilege in our community building work.
For participants interested in this session but unfamiliar with concepts of white privilege, an introductory breakfast roundtable on this topic will be offered Friday morning, August 4.
 
Background
Flipping the Script: White Privilege and Community Building monograph was commissioned by a national foundation. The monograph was published in early December, 2005 and is available on the web in PDF version. The monograph is in three sections.  The first section describes some key concepts: white privilege, racism, internalized racism and community building.  The second section offers some ideas about how to see privilege and racism more clearly in our work, along with ideas and lessons about how to address them constructively. The third section provides recommendations for next steps as individual practitioners and for institutions with which we work.
This monograph is based on a review of relevant literature, experiences of the authors in community building and related work, and a number of interviews with foundation staff and others working in communities.  We also draw from the ideas and experiences that many individuals in many communities shared with us over the years.  One of the contributing authors, Barbara Major, points out that people often take the intellectual property of communities for their own purposes, often without acknowledgement and almost always without reimbursement.  So we want to try to acknowledge our debt to others.
The monograph is based on the following premises:
 White privilege and racism exist – though race is a socially constructed idea, its consequences are real and the privileges it helps maintain are real.
 Privilege and racism are built into the structures and institutions of the United States (and other societies).  The policies and practices of structures and institutions that support white privilege are so embedded at this point that no one any longer has to decide to create inequity so long as we do not decide collectively to eliminate it.
 White privilege and racism manifest themselves at many levels in our society, including institutional, cultural, interpersonal and individual.  One of the premises of the monograph is that it is often difficult for white people to observe institutional privilege and racism.  (It is easier for white people to "see" individual level racism, though not necessarily individual level privilege).
We discuss white privilege in the context of community building.  These days the terms "comprehensive community building" and "place-based strategies" refer to approaches to improve the quality of life and well-being of people in a particular neighborhood or other geographically defined area, often through partnerships among residents, the nonprofit sector, funders and others. These efforts are often comprehensive in multiple ways.  They may be comprehensive in terms of the strategies being used – community organizing, resident leadership, system reform, increased civic engagement, and community planning.  They are also often comprehensive in terms of the outcomes sought – improved child well-being; increased family income and assets; community economic development; etc. 
  
About the Presenters 
 
Maggie Potapchuk, MP Associates, Inc.
Maggie Potapchuk is president of MP Associates. In the past 18 years, she has designed and facilitated diversity and anti-racism training programs, provided technical assistance on change projects, created awareness and dialogue programs, and developed tools to build the capacity of organizations and communities to address racism and privilege issues. She was Senior Program Associate with the Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies' Network of Alliances Bridging Race and Ethnicity, a national effort to provide support to 185 community-based race relations and racial-justice organizations. Her publications include "Cultivating Interdependence: A Guide for Race Relations and Racial Justice Organizations," "Holding up the Mirror: Working Interdependently for Just and Inclusive Communities" and "Steps Toward an Inclusive Community," which includes the "Inclusive Community Assessment Tool." She was co-author for the National League of Cities' "The Selma, Alabama Initiative: Community Assessment Report." Maggie was technical assistance manager for the Initiative to Strengthen Neighborhood Intergroup Assets (DC/VA) to support long-term residents and new immigrants to work together on neighborhood issues. From 1995-99, Ms. Potapchuk was Director of the Dismantling Racism Program at the National Conference for Community and Justice–St. Louis Region. The program received national recognition for the CommUnity-St. Louis project and Dismantling Racism Institute. She is one of the four authors of the monograph on which this session is based.
 
Sally Leiderman, Center for Assessment and Policy Development
Sally Leiderman is president of the Center for Assessment and Policy Development (CAPD), an eighteen year old non-profit research and policy organization. CAPD works nationally to support communities, institutions and foundations working to improve outcomes for children, families, and neighborhoods, in the areas of education, family and child well-being, adolescent pregnancy and prevention, anti-racism work, leadership, and civic engagement. Ms. Leiderman provides policy and evaluation support to several foundations and communities involved in comprehensive community building efforts and leadership development. Her relevant publications include "Looking Back: A History of the Project Change Anti-racism Initiative;" "A Community Builder's Toolkit: 15 Tools for Creating Healthy," "Productive Interracial/Multicultural Communities," with the Institute for Democratic Renewal and Project Change Anti-Racism Program; "Training for Racial Equity and Inclusion: A Guide to Selected Programs," with the Alliance for Conflict Transformation, the Aspen Institute and Project Change, "Engaging Communities and Campuses," a monograph describing issues of equity in community/college partnerships. With Maggie Potapchuk, she developed, www.evaluationtoolsforracialequity.org, a website that communities can use to self-evaluate their progress toward anti-racism and inclusion goals. With Matthew Leiderman, she also developed syntheses of antiracism and race-related materials of the Casey Foundation to make the information directly useful to foundation staff and communities.  She is one of the four authors of the monograph on which this session is based. 

• Because of programs established on the basis of feminist attitudes, it is now virtually impossible for anyone, male or female, to find practical, realistic help for relationships where domestic violence is a problem.
• Divorce has become a battleground, rather than the “solution” it is often touted to be. Families, and especially children, have been reduced to a monetary value, with their emotional needs almost universally ignored. The opinions of legions of court-appointed personnel take precedence in this situation.
• Child protective services seem bent on imposing state control on families, rather than addressing their problems in a way than could have positive results. It is difficult if not impossible to quantify the value of a family in concrete terms, and the attempt to do so has destroyed too many families needlessly, while leaving some children in danger.
• Education at all levels, from kindergarten to graduate school, has become feminized to a degree that forces boys and men into a situation of having strikes against them before they even begin. Expected to conform to unrealistic and uncomfortable standards of behavior, boys in the lower levels are often drugged into compliance. Men in higher education are at constant risk of violating unknown and illusory standards that vary widely and are imposed by individual women, based on their personal opinions. Girls schooled in feminist doctrine are never allowed to develop emotional maturity.
• Feminist-imposed laws regarding sports programs have removed or restricted support from men’s programs while forcing sports on disinterested women.
• In the workplace, the constant threat of lawsuits based on perceived sexual harassment or discrimination has damaged employee/employer relationships and inserted a degree of mistrust and suspicion that ultimately has a negative effect on productivity.
• The “Battered Woman Syndrome” was initially devised to justify premeditated murder when committed by a woman, and is now also used as a defense against lesser charges such as DUI. This same syndrome was used to explain the need for imposition of “no-drop” laws that prevent women from dropping assault charges. In this usage of the syndrome, women are presumed to be under the thrall of evil men, and therefore cannot do anything to cause them harm. Apparently we’re not supposed to notice the two situations are diametrically opposed.